Well, I decided to reward my frontal cortex yesterday and skip my daily Concerta/Prozac dose. I survived, and I actually felt quite laid back all day. I brought two of my ADHD handbooks to read, but of course I've been procrastinating finishing them. I think that it takes me about 3-4 months to read one book and actually be able to comprehend what it is about. Not bad. I was at about 2 years before I started my journey.
My life coach got "on me" after our last session. She's pretty sharp, and knows when I am trying to hide something from her. I look at the ADHD related struggles I have as problems. She was quick to correct me and call them " Challenges". I need to practice positive self talk, and be more kind to myself.
She also brought up the point that she is not a mind reader. If I am struggling I need to be able to ask for help. If I struggle and don't ask for help, then it will be no surprise when I slowly drown.
So, my New Years resolution is simple. I'm going to ask for help when i'm struggling. That sounds doable. Although, I also do need to start a gym routine and lose 40 pounds- self advocacy sounds strangely fulfilling.
~D~
Making Peace
After getting quite upset at one of my professors this semester over accommodations, I might have learned my lesson. In my philosophy class, I had no problem with class participation. I was an engaged learner, for 8am. I was keeping up with the assignments. But then, the assignments, none of which were listed in the syllabus, started to overlap. :::Begin the sinking scene now:: I didn't have the work done so saw no value in going to class. I knew I had work to do, but was practicing active avoidance because homework was the last thing I wanted to do. Well, I eventually caught back up, and handed in everything.
Things came to a head in particular with this professor when I incorrectly cited a list of Germanic Deities. Instead of putting the usual " Cite?" comment, he decided to be a smartass. He instead wrote the comment " Were you channeling Thor?" . He pulled me after class last week and wanted to discuss, in depth, how disappointed he was in my writing abilities. I felt like I was being talked down to, and I just nodded yes to everything he was saying.
Well, today after our last class he pulled me aside again. He asked if I had any problems going on at home. Apparently he felt as though I had "disappeared " during the course of the semester. All of a sudden, a light bulb went off. I explained to him that I was receiving services from the college for my learning disability. I also explained that I started having trouble, and was ashamed to have to ask for help.
Things all made sense. Teachers cannot read minds. I need to explain to these teachers right from the get-go that I am in need of accomendations. This way, I'm not waiting until I already am sinking.
At least it only took my one semester to learn this lesson =)
Things came to a head in particular with this professor when I incorrectly cited a list of Germanic Deities. Instead of putting the usual " Cite?" comment, he decided to be a smartass. He instead wrote the comment " Were you channeling Thor?" . He pulled me after class last week and wanted to discuss, in depth, how disappointed he was in my writing abilities. I felt like I was being talked down to, and I just nodded yes to everything he was saying.
Well, today after our last class he pulled me aside again. He asked if I had any problems going on at home. Apparently he felt as though I had "disappeared " during the course of the semester. All of a sudden, a light bulb went off. I explained to him that I was receiving services from the college for my learning disability. I also explained that I started having trouble, and was ashamed to have to ask for help.
Things all made sense. Teachers cannot read minds. I need to explain to these teachers right from the get-go that I am in need of accomendations. This way, I'm not waiting until I already am sinking.
At least it only took my one semester to learn this lesson =)
Snow Day!
I'm finally feeling settled down again since the Doc increased my doesage. No more chest pains. Generally good. I'm trying to focus on what I can do instead of what I cant. Instead of getting frustrated at myself for losing focus, I am embracing where my attention span wanders. By not being impulsive at all, I feel like i'm trying to suppress who I am. I was missing my boyfriend, who was away on business, and made some impulsive purchases. I went to Staples, which is kind of like my Naughty Place. I love office products, and I'm well aware that there is a twelve step program for my quasi-obsession. So anyways, I went in to "look around" and walked out $112.36 poorer. Did I need anything? Nopers. But I had a few things- like new speakers, memory cards, tech toys, that I had been actively trying to not but for a few months. Well, my boyfriend acts as my " No" person, so I took this opportunity to say YES to the things that I wanted. It felt good, and I didn't beat myself up over it.
